Quite strange, really, as it's pretty much all stolid, middle-of-the-road fare. But then that description gives it away: stolid, complacent, self-satisfied, bien pensant, intellectually lazy, middle-of-the-road fare. Fare.
And the reason this so enrages is, I'm sure, a product of the narcissistic significance of small differences. Those adjectives are exactly the ones that Radio 4 listeners like me fear might be applied to themselves - and secretly suspect they should be.
Anyway, here's an idea for the most platonically awful Radio 4 programme. Quiet Desperation: a whimsical look at human misery. Like You and Yours meets Saturday Live. The tone would be warm, involving and, like the title, gently ironic.
Naturally, it would be 'interactive'. A regular feature would be Your Way, where listeners would relate their sad and distressing stories to the accompaniment of a well-known tune played on an instrument of their own.
So: Olivia Strett on the death of her mother from cancer to the Theme From Mash played on elastic bands stretched across a selection of plastic milk cartons. Marjorie Orme on her bike accident (broken pelvis, leg and laptop) to Love Lifts Us Up Where We Belong played on Apple's GarageBand.
No problem finding the right presenter. Spoilt for choice, really.