Friday, 11 September 2009

Picston Shottle

The Times informs us today that:
Picston Shottle (above), the world's top ranked bull, is still going strong. On his tenth birthday last month, the prize Holstein Friesian had notched up 50,000 daughters and earned more than £20 million from sales of his semen.
What a guy! Mind you, I bet he's still technically a virgin, it all being done mechanically nowadays. Also, fancy having 50,000 children and not one of them a son to take forward the noble name of Shottle.

I was thinking that given the convergence of ethical attitudes towards human beings and animals as well as the loss of anonymity for sperm donors it's only a matter of time before we can expect the following report:
Picston Shottle (below), the world's top ranked inseminator is still going strong. On his twenty-fifth birthday last month, the prized Mancunian - to his fans known simply as The Inseminator - had notched up 50,000 children and earned more than £50 million from sales of his semen.
We caught up with him on his Caribbean island getaway and found him in relaxed mood as he finished off a plate of oysters washed down with his trademark 'Flow' strawberry guava cocktail. His Flow lifestyle brand is now reckoned to make him as much as his inseminations, with a new synthetic semen-based facial treatment in the pipeline. [And so on].

Naturally, the whole field would have become celebritised. The X-Y Factor, Strictly Cum Dancing, I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Up the Duff... Presented by a series of Ant and Dec clones, a Simon Cowell constructed mostly from lamb testes and a cryogenically preserved Brucie.

3 comments:

Brit said...

Synthetic semen-based facial treatment? Dear me, that's coming it a bit strong, Gaw...

Gadjo Dilo said...

Who decided that this animal's spunk was worth £20 million?? It's not like he's run any races or anything. I hope the decision was based on something more scientific than just good looks.

Gaw said...

Brit: Haven't you heard? Apparently it's the 'most talked about treatment in London'. It's only a matter of time before species and application is diversified.

Gadjo:It sells at £60 a shot and produces lady cows with capacious mammaries that simply gush.