Thursday, 12 November 2009


Francis Sedgemore is coming down hard on Christmas. With admirably progressive rigour, he suggests:
For a period of four, possibly five months around the winter solstice, the Imaginary Magic Friend should be banished by edict, carol singers summarily shot, Salvation Army musicians entombed in their bunged-up tubas, effigies of Graham Norton stuck on yule trees across the land, and bishops held under house arrest for the duration, with no access to telephone lines to the BBC.
Apologies for repeating myself from his post, but I have a suggestion as to what we might install as a replacement over this four or five month period. It would be cathartic, entertaining, popular, interactive, secular and, of course, raise money for charity. What's more it would re-position and re-brand the increasingly neglected traditional Bonfire Night, so reviving the dying crafts of guy and go-cart making.

I propose making Bonfire Night a weekly event throughout the winter. Different effigies, historical and modern, could be ritually burnt every Saturday night. Phone polling would be used to choose the effigy. Fawkes-Factor?

As Richard Burton's Dad once said, returning home one drunken Saturday night with a greyhound on a piece of string in tow: 'Boys, our troubles are over!' Simon Cowell, eat your heart out.


Gadjo Dilo said...

Bring back Enver Hoxha. Hmm. But bonfires are great though aren't they; though, like capital punishment, once someone's burnt they're burnt, albeit only symbolically.

Gaw said...

But the joy of burning someone in effigy is you can do it again and again. I think we've exacted sufficient revenge on old Guy for instance: torture, execution and 400 years of bonfires.