Q: Is sex important to you?
A: No, it's a very mucky, unpleasant business and I really couldn't care if I never have sex again. That's my honest answer. I think it's so massively overrated - maybe that's just because I'm not very good at it, who knows? Obviously we have two wonderful sons, so it served its purpose, but I'd rather have a glass of wine and a good book. I'm a big fan of a kiss and a cuddle.
Our country is overwhelmingly and unthinkingly dedicated to the worship of Eros. We're sex mad. A question about sex - how often, how much, who with, how's it going - is compulsory in the ubiquitous newspaper Q&A. But I can't remember the last time I heard someone reply in these terms.
To say it's 'unpleasant' and 'overrated' is a small piece of dissent. But to say you don't care about it is to undermine the collective wisdom of just about every media outlet, from broadsheet Polly Fillas to bus-stop posters. You'd think there's very little that's more important.
And when we're not being bombarded with it directly - as in 'sex is good' or 'sex is bad' - we experience it in farcical form - as in 'isn't sex funny?' Innuendo seems to be the main basis for most post-9pm forms of 'live' popular entertainment. Imagine how much time Jonathan Ross's chat show would fill if you edited out all the - great old-fashioned word this - smut. In any event, the rule is always: 'sex is important'.
Which makes the source of this view surprising. It's the full-bearded and flowing-locked Justin Lee Collins, a fuller figured version of the male illustration from the original Joy of Sex. Stranger still, he hosts the innuendo-filled Sunday Night Project. But I suppose you don't need to find something interesting and important to also find it funny. Or funny in the sense of remorselessly and indiscriminately making suggestive remarks.
Anyway, I now consider him a brave dissident voice. But then any voice that on his old XFM radio show pronounced our favourite posh sandwich shop as Pretermanggerr in Bristle speak already has a lot going for it.
For those unfamiliar with the joys of Bristle here are some key phrases with translations.