Monday, 9 November 2009

Not gurt lush

Here's a man who's not afraid to swim against the tide:
Q: Is sex important to you?
A: No, it's a very mucky, unpleasant business and I really couldn't care if I never have sex again. That's my honest answer. I think it's so massively overrated - maybe that's just because I'm not very good at it, who knows? Obviously we have two wonderful sons, so it served its purpose, but I'd rather have a glass of wine and a good book. I'm a big fan of a kiss and a cuddle.

Our country is overwhelmingly and unthinkingly dedicated to the worship of Eros. We're sex mad. A question about sex - how often, how much, who with, how's it going - is compulsory in the ubiquitous newspaper Q&A. But I can't remember the last time I heard someone reply in these terms.

To say it's 'unpleasant' and 'overrated' is a small piece of dissent. But to say you don't care about it is to undermine the collective wisdom of just about every media outlet, from broadsheet Polly Fillas to bus-stop posters. You'd think there's very little that's more important.

And when we're not being bombarded with it directly - as in 'sex is good' or 'sex is bad' - we experience it in farcical form - as in 'isn't sex funny?' Innuendo seems to be the main basis for most post-9pm forms of 'live' popular entertainment. Imagine how much time Jonathan Ross's chat show would fill if you edited out all the - great old-fashioned word this - smut. In any event, the rule is always: 'sex is important'.

Which makes the source of this view surprising. It's the full-bearded and flowing-locked Justin Lee Collins, a fuller figured version of the male illustration from the original Joy of Sex. Stranger still, he hosts the innuendo-filled Sunday Night Project. But I suppose you don't need to find something interesting and important to also find it funny. Or funny in the sense of remorselessly and indiscriminately making suggestive remarks.

Anyway, I now consider him a brave dissident voice. But then any voice that on his old XFM radio show pronounced our favourite posh sandwich shop as Pretermanggerr in Bristle speak already has a lot going for it.

For those unfamiliar with the joys of Bristle here are some key phrases with translations.


Brit said...

Stephen Fry famously wrote an article once expressing similar anti-sex sentiments. But he doesn't have a Brizzle accent, which is a shame, as I think it would make him much more interesting.

Gaw said...

I've got a feeling Fry may have recanted, now he's come to terms with himself somewhat.

Boy George famously said he preferred a cup of tea to sex. However, we now know that when he said 'cup of tea' he probably meant 'shoot up with heroin'.

Do you spose Charlotte will be lucky enough to spek Brizzle?

Anonymous said...

Very brave of Mr. Collins. Imagine all the aging Boomer sex therapists having fits of the vapours at his words and retiring to their couches muttering "Will no one think of the children?"

malty said...

One of Alan Furst's novels describes a Russian émigré in wartime Paris, who has unlimited access to the girls, As the latest hooker enters the room and prepares to perform the deed he sighs to himself "I really would rather have a good lunch"

Watched an odd (French) movie last night, "The Girl on the Bridge" She gets her jollies having knives hurled at her, he gets his chucking them, well, I told you it was French.

Gaw said...

Peter: Indeed, the sex industry encompasses more than we know.

Malty: I think a good lunch would be preferable to any of the options you cite there. Funny chaps, foreigners.

Gadjo Dilo said...

From what I remember of Justin Lee Collins it's hard to picture him as a "brave dissident voice", but you have a point. Also in that camp is grande dame of non-sex, Edith Sitwell.

Brit said...

Do you spose Charlotte will be lucky enough to spek Brizzle?

Not if I can help it, we're much too middle-class for anything more than a faint twang about the vowels.

Gaw said...

She'll need at least that if she ever wants a successful career in broadcast media. Not that this is what she should want.